This is part 2 to my doggy series. I am much less sad today and therefore today’s post should be tear free. I just wanted to tell a story about my weird wonderful doggy to honor his memory.
On Monday we were at the animal emergency place for the second time in Gordo’s life. The first time was 6 years ago and was the setting for one of my favorite stories of all time.
Our little baby Gordo was about 3 months old and about 20 pounds. We actually named him Gordo because he was so fat. As a puppy, when he would lay down on the floor, his skin would lay on the floor next to him. And, as you know, labs are about the cutest puppies in the world- so you can imagine how adorable this little dog was.
It was about 9 pm on a random Monday night (I remember because 24 was on) and Brent and I were winding down for the night. I’m half asleep on the couch and I notice that Gordo is acting funny. He is on his doggy pillow with his head buried in his crotch. I watch for a second thinking he’s going to stop, but he doesn’t. I yell to get his attention, he looks at me for a second, then gets back to business licking himself. This goes on for a couple more minutes before I walk over there to see if there is a cut or some kind of irritation. What I was not expecting was a big puppy boner! It was out there baby!
So, I tell Brent while laughing, “You have got to see this.” He comes over and casually said, ”Just leave him alone, he’ll stop”. Well, 5 more minutes go by and he is still licking and ‘it’ is still out. Now I tell Brent that I am starting to get worried. He tells me I’m nuts. My argument is that if the comercials say that it is bad for men to have an erection too long, than maybe it’s bad for dogs too. I don’t know- this is my first doggy-hard-on-related-issue.
Fast forward 10 more minutes it’s still going on and now the dog is clearly in pain. Of course this happens when the vet’s office is closed so I really have no idea what to do. I looked in the phone book and found a number to the animal emergency center and proceeded to make the most awkward phone call of my life: “Um, hi. I have a 3 month old puppy with an…er….a… erection that won’t go away. I don’t know what to do.” The lady responds in a clearly irritated voice, “Ma’am, just leave the dog alone, take away his toys and he’ll stop humping.” I try to explain that he’s not humping but she clearly isn’t concerned so I hang up.
Fast forward another 15 minutes and I can’t take it anymore. I call back (this time way tougher): “Hi, remember me? Puppy- erection? Yeah, he still has one!” This time I can tell she’s surprised and puts me on hold to talk to the doctor. She gets back on the phone and tells me to come in- quickly.
We race to the hospital, I am in the back seat cradling my little baby. We bring the dog in and the waiting room is full of people. Everyone looks up and sees this adorable little puppy and I swear they all said, “Awweee” simultaneously. Then Brent makes an awkward hand off to me and exposes Gordo’s ‘situation’ and I swear they all went, “GOO!”. That’s probably what I have made up in my head over the years, but still…
Next thing I know the vet is telling me they have to sedate the dog to fix the problem and they have to put some kind of cream on the penis to shrink it down so the skin will go back over it. And, I am not making this part up, he says “You know how when you put sugar on strawberries and the berries shrink, it’s like the same thing.” Okay…
Well they fix the problem and bring our baby back out to us and we can check out. $400 later we have a healthy puppy, some anti-biotics to prevent infection, and a cream medication. The vet tech explains that the cream is to be applied directly to the member 2x daily. Using her fingers to demonstrate, she shows us how to push back the skin to expose the penis and rub the cream on. Brent looks at me and says, “I’ll do the pills, you do the cream.”
That was the last time we had any boner problems with Gordo. He always was a little strange though. For example, he never mounted another dog to hump them. It was almost like he was too polite. He was just quietly hump the air next to the dog of interest. It was hilarious. We have many friends that would laugh out loud every time he did this.
The things we do for our damn dogs! Love you always Gordo. I hope you’re air humping in doggy heaven right now.